Self-Confidence vs. Self-Promotion

 I concluded this week reflecting on the difference in my meetings with students who were calm and confident compared to those who were eager to self-promote. 

I have enough experience to see the difference between humility and the humble brag, but the differences between students this week were particularly striking. Each of the students is applying to top tier programs. The self-confident students are far more relaxed, taking some risks with their essays, and are confident that their counselor letter will do its job. The self-promoters are far more anxious, overworking or overselling their essays, and want to micromanage what's included in their letter. 

Honestly, the mommy in me wants to shrink the self-promoters down to infant-size and rock them while I croon, "Hush. It's okay. It will all be alright." A weird image, but parents out there will understand.

When I say self-confident, I am speaking of the quietly confident, centered souls. They may or may not be outwardly confident. Many are introverted. But they understand that they don't know everything, but they do know some things....and that this is as it should be. 

The self-promoting students often seek external validation in the form of awards and grades. They are excellent students, but centered more on achievement than on learning. The college application process is unnerving because they cannot control the outcome. They try to do "extra credit" in the form of portfolios, links, projects, interviews, and getting to know their counselor. But they understand that they don't know everything, but they do know some things...and it bothers them that someone else might know the "right" things. (As if there are "right things" to know!)

The joy and pain of working with adolescents is watching them grow into themselves. The emotional growth is just as apparent as the physical. Everyone is on their own timeline. If only we could be guaranteed that we would see glimpses of these students through the decades. No one is ever a finished product; we are all still growing up and into ourselves. But it would be nice to have a glimpse of the future and be reassured that each of our 'kids' will grow in confidence and humility. I am both hopeful and optimistic that they will.